For most, the centuries-old tradition of the fair conjures a variety of benign images; bustling market stalls selling food; the tacky flashing lights of amusement rides; or tireless enthusiasts on their hands and knees, rigorously sifting through boxes of records in search of some limited edition pink vinyl which was deleted back in 1976. However, the transient nature of these melting pots of commerce and competition can also create an environment where more illicit activities are able to flourish.

In England there has recently been some furore over dubious animal fairs, with animal rights groups accusing local councils of allowing illegal activity to take place within their jurisdictions. The Pet Animals Act 1951 (amended in 1983) states that it is illegal to sell animals as pets in markets or public places in order to prevent their exposure to stressful temporary environments. Nevertheless, this is what has been happening up and down the country, with organisers and traders attempting to circumvent the legislation by advertising events as 'exhibitions', 'breeders meetings' or 'members only' (although annual membership was apparently being offered for £2 at the gate in one case). The most common are exotic animal fairs which sell birds and reptiles, most of which are caught in the wild and shipped to Britain illegally. The biggest of these, the Cage and Aviary Birds market, took place for 25 years in Birmingham NEC where around 100,000 birds would be on sale. However, following a concerted campaign by Animal Aid (amongst others), Solihull council decided to move the 2004 event, but it was eventually cancelled altogether. Under consideration by the council was obviously the possibility of prosecution, but also fears over public health risks from diseased birds being sold by unlicensed traders. And, while smaller fairs still take place in other parts of the country, the government is currently drafting a new Animal Welfare Bill which could put an end to them. Bird fanciers (the technical term for traders and collectors of rare birds, not people who 'fancy' birds in a sexual context, although there may be some overlap) are predictably furious. No-doubt, heated debates are currently taking place in parliament over whether Senegal parrots would prefer to spend their time squawking amidst tropical trees or quietly watching TV from behind bars in a bedsit in Bognor Regis. As parrots can actually speak themselves you would think that they would've been able to offer some clarification on the matter but, alas, I was unable to obtain any direct comments from our disenfranchised feathered friends.

Animal Aid would surely be horrified were they to visit the markets in many parts of southeast Asia which peddle leopard skulls and skins, peacock feathers, ashtrays made from claws and Chinese medicines made from pulverised tiger parts. Years ago they may have been able to temporarily placate themselves by purchasing a lump of raw opium and smoking it through a bamboo pipe, but these days more rigorous law enforcement means that such stalls have been replaced by those selling only legal commodities. However, in the part of the continent known as the Golden Crescent (bounded by the mountainous peripheries of Afghanistan, Iran and Pakistan) poppy cultivation has now far surpassed that of the south-eastern Golden Triangle, and an abundance of sticky brown opium paste still finds its way into the bazaars in surrounding urban centres such as Peshawar and Kandahar. The former is an infamous smuggling town at the Afghan gateway to the autonomous, lawless tribal region known as the North-west Frontier Region. It is here that the Smugglers' Bazaar is to be found, where ludicrous amounts of opium (80% of Britain's heroin passes through the town) and hash can be bought openly for a pittance. An array of other goods from televisions to tea are also available before they are brought along the Khyber Pass and over the border where they make their way to slightly less conspicuous markets in Pakistan's teeming cities.

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Many of the street fairs there also harbour shops in which brown handprints adorn the walls, denoting that opium is available.

Of course, drugs are not the only illegal trade in which vast amounts of money flows across borders; our appetite for weapons is just as voracious. In any of the contraband fairs mentioned above buying an array of deadly equipment is like doing your weekly shopping at Tesco's, except with hand grenades laid out in place of the apples and rounds of ammunition hanging on display like strings of onions. The streets of Pakistan and Afghanistan are awash with weapons and thousands of people are killed every year as a result. There are several sources of these arms; those issued to the Afghan mujahideen by the US during the war with the Soviet Union in the 80s; Soviet stocks captured during the same war; locally produced replicas; and arms arriving through other miscellaneous routes. The most popular are Kalashnikov assault rifles but shotguns, pistols and machine guns are also freely available. A landmine is as little as £10, while you can get a copy of an AK-47 for a mere £40 and even the real thing could be acquired for about double that. Or, if you're feeling particularly adventurous, surface-to-air missiles, while not openly displayed at most stalls, can be easily obtained with a nod and a wink. The sound of sporadic gunfire pierces the air at the bazaars and spent cartridges litter the ground as customers step out to test their prospective purchases. And it is a pretty similar story no matter which 'developing' country you look to; for example, the Bakhar market in Mogadishu, Somalia's capital, is an infamous hub in the freeflow of guns through Africa. The sheer quantity of light arms certainly contributed to the scale of the civil war there in the early 90s, and teenage militias still terrorize the population today with cheap weaponry.

Meanwhile, the really heavy-duty equipment is reserved for government and army officials at Britain's very own arms fair, an extravagant affair held bi-annually at London's Docklands. Of course, it is not really an arms fair at all but rather a 'defence exhibition', a handy euphemism in an industry worth about £5 billion a year in the UK. Representatives of such admirable regimes as Indonesia, Zimbabwe and Syria can browse through stockpiles of military equipment so advanced it'd make your head spin (or more likely take it clean off your shoulders). Fighter jets, tanks, rocket launchers and cluster bombs were all on display at this year's event, and an Israeli company was also illegally advertising leg irons and stun guns before they were exposed by a Guardian reporter and had their stall shut down. Fun for all the family indeed, although there is one ground rule - in order to be granted an export license you have to promise (preferably with a straight face) not to use your newly acquired arsenal for purposes of repression. Unfortunately this policy was the cause of some embarrassment after it emerged that Indonesia had been being bold in East Timor with some British-made Hawk fighter planes. As punishment an embargo was placed on arms exports to the country for a couple of years but resumed again in 2000, just in time for a period of worsening conflict (countries at war are usually the best customers anyway).

So, even if you are not important enough to be on the invitation list for Docklands, there is still much politically incorrect entertainment to be had at the world's many other dodgy fairs. For instance, you could purchase some rare wild birds in England then bring them to Pakistan with you where you could spend an afternoon getting wasted on opium and trying to blow them out of the sky with some surface-to-air missiles. That is, if Ferris wheels and old records no longer provide sufficient excitement...

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